November 2007 MIM Meeting: Listen Up Folks - It's a Disease

This is a story that has to be told. Grab a cup of coffee, pull up a comfortable chair, maybe print it out – but whatever you do, please read it. Say a prayer. Decide to volunteer. Talk to the members of your family. Talk to your friends. Don’t be afraid. It’s about suicide. It’s about hope. It’s about being informed. It’s about courage. Maybe, bottom line – it’s about love.

The Speaker and the Story – Al Kluesner

This is what Al said. “Talking to a faith community is a lot different than giving a talk to folks at a Country Club” and then proved it by talking about his “giant tussles with the Lord, not unlike Job when he was stripped of every trapping of the good life, nearly life itself.” Al had the same fights – even called the Lord a name or two at times. It wasn’t so bad when his 32 year old son Michael took his own life – “suicided” is Al’s term. Michael had suffered for years and walked a long, long, hard road. Michael suffered from a disease of the brain. Al asked us to hear that phrase clearly –disease of the brain. “We don’t shy away from saying cancer or diabetes – so let’s call it what it is – a “disease of the brain.” Clinical depression. Bi-polar schizophrenia– a disease of the brain That’s what ended Michael’s life.. Disease and possibly flawed medications.”

Michael had written a beautiful letter to his family. They had that letter, the knowledge of his suffering and a giant faith to sustain the family.

But then, a few years later, out of the blue, his gifted, 23 year old daughter suicided. “A kick in the stomach” he said. Incredulous, he and his wife Mary fought their way through snow storms and airline schedules to get home. Their daughter, grade point average 3.9, cheerleader, musician, soccer player, happy young woman, suicided. And they just weren’t prepared.

The Facts, the Hope

There’s more to the story and I’ll tell it. But right now I want to tell you about a few of the things this valiant (and these people give new meaning to that word) couple. Mary and Al, together with another couple, took their suffering and put it to work!!! They established SAVE and they made it grow. SAVE established a billboard campaign. Go to the corner of 42nd and Cedar and look up. There’s a billboard – Suicide Prevention and in the right hand corner is a picture of Amy, their daughter. She won’t be forgotten. Other beautiful young daughters may be saved. Other beautiful men and women may be saved.

Currently Al and Mary are working with the University of Minnesota on a program to evaluate the effectiveness of the billboards. If the number of suicides in Minnesota (and the figures are horrifying) go down, the billboard campaign will be determined, empirically, to be successful. Then, it will be taken nationwide. Al currently is on the board of AFSP.(American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.) He chairs the Billboard Committee.

Al's wife Mary(right), with Al in the background, at the 2004 SAVE Walk.
The Story – continued

Only a week before Amy suicided, Al and Mary had gotten a lovely letter from their daughter. Al read it and pondered, with pride, on the fact that they had sent a young girl to college, and would be greeting a young woman when they next saw her. They did not see her again, not alive.

This family was the kind of Catholic family we hear about. The foundation was strong. Al and Mary, cradle Catholics, faithful in their devotion; a family that liked to play together, that skied together every year. The children were educated in catholic schools. Al was a successful salesman. He had traveled the world on his business trips, and made a good living for his family. The had the big house, and the country club memberships and all the trappings of the good life. And then the bombshells hit.. Their dearly loved Michael suicided. And their church could not decide how to or whether to bury him. Their only daughter, Amy, suicided. “It takes you right down to your knees”, Al said.

Al and Mary learned a lot about grief. Al determined that grieving is a very personal thing and that people grieve differently and that has to be respected. Mary went to her garden and worked hard, worked in the sunshine and allowed beauty to be healing. Al shut himself in his room and read and prayed and fought with his God.

Now he recommends Psalm 138. He reads it often, especially when he gets into negative thinking. He studies the story of Job and relates it to his own struggles to find peace.

Al is a master salesman – and after he was able to get past the first wave of emotion, he continued selling. He was selling the night he talked to the SJA Mental Illness Ministry group, one of the largest turnouts ever. He was selling knowledge: “We can’t destigmatize something we don’t know about. When you experience depression, or someone you know and love is experiencing depression, get to a medical doctor!! Most suicides are preventable if clinical depression is treated.”

He was selling hope and faith. “We are all part of the communion of saints. We’re all in this together. It is true to me and I can talk to Amy and Michael every day. They are part of the communion of saints. The communion of saints is just as real as we are here”, he told us. He knows that the Lord loved Michael. He received a sign, a rose, that told him the Lord loved Amy. And I asked myself, “How could He not?”


and
Ronnie Angelus says: "There are three things that make my life work: Talking to my daughter who opens vistas to me and makes me laugh; being in the circle of the Divas, my writing group, who shout "go girl" and give me standing ovations with their smiles and tears; sitting next to Mary and Claude Paradis during Sunday Mass at St. Joan of Arc, which is as close to pure goodness as I will know in this lifetime."
We can’t destigmatize something we don’t know about, or dare to talk about. We can’t let our own fear get in the way of approaching the knowledge, or presence in our families, of depression, of brain disease. We just can’t afford to not know. It’s too great a luxury. In memory of Michael and Amy and the thousands of people who die by suicide each year, we have to learn all we can. We owe it to them – we owe it to ourselves.

Psalm 138

 1 I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;

       before the "gods" I will sing your praise.

 2 I will bow down toward your holy temple

       and will praise your name
       for your love and your faithfulness,
       for you have exalted above all things
       your name and your word.

 3 When I called, you answered me;

       you made me bold and stouthearted.

 4 May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD,

       when they hear the words of your mouth.

 5 May they sing of the ways of the LORD,

       for the glory of the LORD is great.

 6 Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,

       but the proud he knows from afar.

 7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble,

       you preserve my life;
       you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
       with your right hand you save me.

 8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;

       your love, O LORD, endures forever—
       do not abandon the works of your hands.