"Dangerous Stories: Guilt"
Vicki Underland-Rosow
Sunday, March 11th 2007

Stories-stories serve many purposes-to entertain, to pass down wisdom, to teach, to warn, to terrorize, to heal For the last 20 years of my professional career I facilitated groups on spirituality & addiction. What I really did was LISTEN.

Now others may say I did something more professional but on the deepest level what I did was LISTEN. Listening to another is one if not the most intimate and loving things one person can do for another. While listening to people I saw hundreds of people whose lives had been crippled by guilt and or shame. I also witnesses that these same people could heal and telling their stories was always a part of the healing. . On Ash Wed we heard stories from parishioners during which they told us of their experiences with guilt and shame. And hopefully in our bearing witness to their stories we nurtured them on their spiritual journey

Today’s topic-guilt. I also plan to expand the topic to guilt and shame, as they are related but different.

First I would like to start with looking at guilt.

Guilt is a very loaded word. It means very different things to different people. And as the times change so do the things one feels guilty about. When I was in high school getting pregnant before marriage brought guilt and shame to the mother & father to be and often to extended family members. 30 years ago when a woman or man was raped or abused by their spouse the victim of the abuse experienced guilt. Some how the victim was lead to believe it was her fault. As our mores change so changes our reasons for experiencing guilt.

We live in a culture that depends upon guilt and shame as a means to control people. That does not mean they are natural or inevitable. We experience guilt for things that we have done wrong, for transgressions, for making a mistake. We experience shame not for a wrongdoing but for a wrong being. Guilt is I made a mistake. Shame is I am a mistake.

Guilt and/or shame can become so powerful that they can take over a person’s life. The reason guilt and shame are so powerful is that they cut us off from our connections to others-to God, to our spirituality. They become the focus of our attentions to the determent of other relationships.

Guilt and shame are usually thought of as individual issues, they are not they are societal issues. Entire groups experience shame & guilt. Until we recognize this we are missing a major component of how the dominate society tries to control its population. This is as true the religious level as it is on the political and societal level.

There are entire cultures that experience guilt in an entirely different manner. In our culture often guilt =blame combined with ostracism while in other cultures guilt=need to take responsibility with out judgment attached to it. Listen to what Don Coyhis, Mohican Writer & Consultant has to say:

“The Creator designed us to learn by trail and error. The path of life we walk is very wide. Everything on the path is sacred—what we do right is sacred—but our mistakes are also sacred. This is the Creator’s way of teaching spiritual people. To criticize ourselves when we make mistakes is not the Indian way. To learn from our mistakes is the Indian way. The definition of a spiritual person is someone who makes 30-50 mistakes each day and talks to the Creator after each one to see what to do next time “

Shame is even more dangerous. Shame results in spiritual suicide. It is a taught behavior, the idea that it a part of the natural human condition is incorrect. It is part of a system that attempts to control its members. There are entire cultures that never experienced shame until missionaries looking for souls to save imposed it upon them.

I spent over 30 years working with people who were plagued by shame. What I found was that shame did nothing to help the person but rather resulted in a spiritual suicide: a disconnection of the person from his soul, an abandonment of his or her connection to self, to God, to other beings.

Our worldview determines how we experience life. Lets look briefly at the prevailing worldview and how guilt & shame fit into it.

Once there was a world filled with wonder. The people who lived there believed that everything was enchanted. Everything was holy. People lived in partnership; with one another and with nature. But as subgroups began imposing their will on others by using physical and emotional punishment, rewriting of myths, destruction of sacred spiritual artifacts and sites they transformed partnership societies into dominator societies.†

The Jewish-Christian tradition wrought a God demanding singular allegiance. Story after story in the Old Testament relays the message that unquestioning allegiance was mandatory under threat of physical and spiritual punishment and abandonment. Ancient Jews along with more recent Christians have forced their beliefs upon untold numbers of non-believers, destroying temples, sacred places, and sacred objects. Priests became powerful leaders who educated their "flock" to follow the laws of the "only true" God. This systematic elimination of all options for communal, natural theology corresponded with the development of a male-dominated, violent, hierarchical society. As this hierarchical society became dominant, it began to be seen as normal. Use of shame & guilt as a control measure was not questioned, but came to be regarded as normal human behavior.

If that wasn’t enough then came The Inquisition (1233-1350). It was a period of mass executions of heretics, of people who practiced forms of participation consciousness. Entire towns and villages were wiped out in the pursuit of eliminating any perceived threat to Christianity. The Inquisition served to separate individuals from one another, from their Church, and from their God. It is no wonder that others' opinions of a person gained importance when they might have the power of life or death over the person via the Inquisition. Differences became a matter of life and death, salvation and damnation. People became separated from one another. This fostered a cultural trend toward mechanical, automated people living lives of isolation and fearing exposure.

The more control exerted the more that was needed

. Following on the heels of The Inquisition was the rise of the Newtonian physics and the scientific method. Now most of you may be thinking what in the world does science have to do with guilt and shame? Lots- the scientific method brought into popular belief that we could control everything if we just use the correct methods. Anything that was not controllable was deemed inconsequential-so spirituality especially the idea of an enchanted world was denied. This belief has permeated virtually everything.

Luckily for us the world view is changing, quantum physics and along with many of the major religions of the world are speaking out for a return to an enchanted world view, a world view that takes into account that we are connected and that all actions and even all thoughts have planetary wide consequences.

The attempt to control is the primary reason guilt and shame is so prevalent in our culture. Just look at the response peacemakers receive from the political powers when we challenge the war effort we are called unpatriotic in an attempt to make us feel guilt and or shamed.

A God of vengeance, a God of judgment – guilt and shame is inherent in that worldview. Jesus came with a new message-a complete paradigm shift—love and peace—shame and guilt are not inherent in that worldview—humility and honesty are. Knowing honesty is relative, The more we meditate and turn toward God the more our world view expands and what once was truth becomes false as a new and deeper level of truth emerges.

Jesus was the champion dangerous storyteller. His stories turned the worldview on its head. His stories are still revolutionary we just haven’t caught up with him yet. So where does guilt fit into his stories-I propose not very well. His main purpose in arriving on planet Earth was to let us in on a hither to unknown fact: God is love not God is judgment. This little sentence when really comprehended and accepted will change everything.

Jesus came proclaiming a way of being in the world. A way most of us only vaguely comprehend. He was a radical in the truest sense of the word. His message was and continues to be a way of being in the world that demonstrates God’s total love for us, for each of us. And Jesus in his radical ness calls us to respond to God’s saving love. In the gospel today-the owner of the vineyard orders a tree that has not produced fruit to be cut down. Jesus again comes up with a different choice- the gardener asks for more time to nurture the tree-to give it all it’s needs so that it can become all that it was meant to be. Jesus certainly wants nothing less for us. Again I want to highlight how radical this is. We are surrounded by messages that reject this idea. Jesus is our gardener. He promises to cultivate and nurture us. Our job is to accept these gifts. This is virtually impossible when we are hanging on to guilt or shame.

So along comes a church called Joan of Arc where we hear: We welcome you wherever you are on your journey. This is the mantra of Joan of Arc. We hear it every week. But do we really welcome you where ever who ever you are? Do you consistently feel welcomed and welcoming?

My first observation is that it is easier to point fingers and look at the nameless “Them” than to look at myself. Yet Jesus invites us to look within, to stop looking without!

In our reading today Jesus is asked by people told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with the blood of their sacrifices. Jesus said to them in reply, “Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were greater sinners than all other Galileans?

He, as he usually does, digs deeper than the questioner and goes to the heart of the matter. His comments undermine the old order. He again and again offers us a new way of being in the world. Our problem is seeing and accepting this radical new worldview.

1. First he de-sanctified the event in question. He takes God out of the equation. God is not punishing. Jesus burst the bubble the belief that certain people suffer bad things because they were out of favor with God Jesus completely de-sacralizes the event—removing any link between God & what has happened. If we are caught up in the world of reciprocal violence, of good and bad measured against other people, we will likewise perish. And by perish we will suffer we will turn away from love
2. Second he turns the focus onto the questioners.
3. He challenges the speaker to look within. And this time it is look with in and repent.

Now, my take on the “typical Joan of Arcer is that we actually bristle when invited to repent. We are a very intentional community. Many of us travel distances to get here. We come for many reasons and we come to be a part of a loving, peaceful community. Many of us came to Joan of Arc because of experience in other churches that left us feeling battered, bruised, guilty and ashamed. So to hear we should repent is not exactly met with open arms. I know when asked to talk on the topic of guilt and to use today’s readings I thought this is going to be a challenge. But after some meditation, reading and reflection I have a new appreciation of the reading for today.

Repent-who wants to repent especially within the context of the dominator model—shame, blame & guilt. . My knee jerk reaction to the word repent is to picture a bible stumping, fundamentalist preacher standing at a pulpit demanding that they repent and be saved to a congregation falling down on its collective knees Its enough to cause a mass exodus out of here.

But what if, just what if we put the word repent into the worldview of Jesus? Then everything changes. Without the need for shame and guilt we can experience repentance as feeling regret for something we have done or failed to do followed by an action, returning to our connection to God and the cosmos.

If all we do is feel regret then we maybe are left with guilt and/or shame for we DO NOTHING to change our relationship with Jesus and by default with all of creation.

Repent can and does have a much different connotation-in its entirety repent means to change the way one views the world, the way one interacts with the world. It is a very active verb. It does not imply or demand one to feel guilt or shame it requires action- a change in behavior, a change in attitude, often resulting in transformation.

The love was there all along we just decided by our own behavior, our own action to disconnect. That is the good news. We do have the power here-not power as most think of it but power nonetheless to be free of guilt to be free of shame to bask in the love of a God that wants nothing less for us.

Joan of Arc has a long and colorful history of a place where Catholics and others can & do find a spiritual home. Over the years I have heard countless of you declare that this place and this community offers you acceptance that you feel few other places. This is our goal. This is our mission. Jesus tells us we are lovable, indeed that we are loved. It is the sacred duty of this church to follow his example. We do it and we sometime fail. We fail when we become arrogant and believe we have the answer. We fail when we do not make room for those with different opinions, with different politics, with different beliefs. The culture of shame & guilt permeates every fabric of our lives. New mothers are bombarded with questions, comments, and advice that promote fear, guilt and shame.

The first question a new parent or grandparent is asked is usually is it a boy or a girl? The second question lays seed for guilt and shame even when asked in the most seemingly loving way-which it usually is. The question is: Is he a GOOD baby? Now how many babies do you know that rob a bank or start a war? What the questioner is asking, I think, is does the baby meet your needs? Does she sleep when you want her to sleep? This is such a normal part of conversation most of us never notice the implications. Beginning on the first day of life people throughout this country well meaning people consistently ask parents if their babies are good. This portends what is to happen countless times in each of our lives.

The question I pose today is how do we individually and collectively ask others in the parish if they are good. How do we ask it of ourselves? Looking back to today’s message. Do we allow Jesus to be the gardener, to let our friends and other parish members to be our gardeners to nurture us? Do we serve as gardeners for others?

“I will prove my holiness through you” Ezekiel 36:23-26