Making a Difference
Nancy Torrison
Sunday, December 30th 2007

Good morning.

My name is Nancy Torrison and I’d like to say – Wow! What a wonderful day – I’m so glad to be here! Here we are, free to gather as believers, free to choose what we do after mass today, and free to worship our awesome God, be fed by the living word and receive the bread of life. There is so much to be grateful for! And - I’d like to say thank you, in advance, to all the good people of St. Joan of Arc - 1) for your willingness to listen to my story today and 2) for the type of community you are – for being people who respond generously to God’s call to walk the walk and harden not our hearts.

In a community like this one, I feel pretty certain of your answer to this question - do you ever feel overwhelmed by the seemingly endless amount of injustice, suffering and unfulfilled needs in this world? Do you ever feel so frustrated that you are tempted to just crawl back under your covers and quit – I mean really, just give up, thinking that it is just plain impossible to make this world gentler and more just – we’re doomed. Too many suffer. I’m just little ole me!

Well, I want to tell you a story that might change your mind about living out the rest of your days in your jammies under the covers…

A friend of mine was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along, he began to see another man in the distance. As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean. As my friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had washed up on the beach, and, one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water.

My friend was puzzled. He approached the man and said. "Good evening, friend. I was wondering what you are doing."

"I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen."

"I understand," my friend replied, "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many. And don't you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?"

The local native smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, "Made a difference to that one!"

This story always gives me hope. It also gives me the reality check I need as a Christian – I am called to persevere, not to quit. I have to continue to respond to God’s call and trust that He is in control. It isn’t my business to look over the entire world and feel the weight - it’s His. His call to me is simply to do my small part the very best way I know how. Our second reading today (Col 3:12) calls us, God’s chosen people, holy and beloved, to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. AND – to be thankful. To let the word of Christ dwell richly within us as we teach in wisdom and sing with gratitude.

So…how do we move from feeling overwhelmed to empowered? How can we make a difference in a world overcome with pain?

Where I work we think the answer is simply making that first step toward someone in need. To love even one starfish, or in my line of work, one child, is noble and life-changing. This story of the Starfish is so like the story of Jesus chasing down that last lamb…we are each so very loved and we are asked nothing more than to love in return.

I work for a local mentoring organization called Kinship of Greater Minneapolis. We are 52 years old and are faith-based, doing most of our reaching out in churches. We have 320 children matched with loving adults in this community and 150 on our waiting list. Our kids are anywhere from 5 to 15 years old, and come from all kinds of backgrounds and circumstances. The characteristic that most of them share is - besides being precious, they are lonely; most are sad and many suffer from abandonment issues stemming partly from the departure of one of their parents. Most live in poverty which of course leaves their families struggling and stressed. And many come from generations of poverty which adds deeper discouragement and lessens hope.

Families come to Kinship looking for a supportive relationship for their child – a relationship that might change their child’s life and lead them in a healthier direction. The qualities we most look for in our mentors are compassion and a love for kids, as well as the willingness to bless a child with the gift of time each week. The redeeming power of a simple, honest friendship transforms and enriches lives – we see it every day. It is truly incredible to watch these kids blossom.

Let me give you a little background on mentoring. First of all … studies show that mentoring reduces:

• Teen Pregnancy by 35%
• Drug abuse by 46%;
• School Drop outs by 52%; and
• Violent behavior by 52%.

Two of the more important things kids learn through mentoring are – 1) that there are dependable adults out there and healthy ways to be in relationship with them and 2) that there are alternatives to poverty, and choices that may lead to happier lives. How better can we teach poor children to reach for the dream of a better life than to provide a first-hand experience through an individual, couple or family who commits to loving and supporting them for a time?

Last year I spoke to a large group of retired educators in the area. Once I finished an older gentleman came up to me to tell me that he had once been a Kinship mentor. I asked him when and he replied that it was around 30 years ago. He lives in the suburbs and he and his wife heard about Kinship at church. They were matched to a 13 year old African American girl for three years and after all that time, they were never quite sure if what they were doing was making a difference for her. She happened to come from a very troubled family living in deep poverty and she was usually very quiet. The reason the couple felt compelled to continue in the relationship after the first year was because she was always ready and waiting at the door when they came to pick her up. Week after week, she was at the door ready to go when they pulled up. Eventually, as she grew older, she began to lose interest in their weekly gatherings and moved on. They closed the match amicably and didn’t see her again for over 20 years until one night, the doorbell rang. When they opened it, they found her standing there, same face, same eyes, with a little girl at her side, holding her hand. She was uncomfortable and didn’t want to come in, but she told them she had something to say. She told the couple that thanks to them, one of her most important dreams had just come true. She told them that she had always hoped and prayed that she would live in a house like theirs with a husband and children of her own. She wanted her children to be able to play outside in safety and away from the violence she had known. Her news was that she and her husband and 2 kids had just purchased their first home in New Hope and had recently moved in. She stopped by because she wanted to thank them for giving her the dream.

So, what exactly is a mentor?

The word “mentor” derives from a Greek tale and, etymologically from a number of Greek roots meaning “think,” “counsel,” “remember,” and “endure”. One contemporary article describes a mentor as a “protector, benefactor, sponsor, champion, advocate, supporter, or counselor.” Another writer refers to patrons, guides and peer pals, while a third adds host, teacher and exemplar. The phrase “role model” is frequently invoked.

According to some scholars, mentoring is a one-to-one relationship between a pair of unrelated individuals, usually of different ages, and is developmental in nature: “A mentor is an older, more experienced person who seeks to further the development of character and competence in a younger person…” This relationship is distinguished by “a special bone of mutual commitment” and “an emotional character of respect, loyalty, and identification.”

Researchers at the Search Institute identified “adult role models” and “adults in community valuing youth” as essential to youth’s health and well-being. The Commission on Children at Risk, a panel of leading children’s doctors and youth professionals, reports that children are biologically hardwired for enduring attachments to other people and for moral and spiritual meaning. Without these connections and attachments, healthy development is compromised.

Finally, mentoring relationships are intergenerational, characterized by the voluntary assumption of responsibility for members of the next generation. They are an expression of what author Erik Erikson calls generativity, the impulse to pass on values, culture, and lifeblood to the next generation.

  Today, as families struggle with various stressors, and an unprecedented amount of children have a diagnosable mental disorder or addiction, many suffering from depression and/or anxiety, we know of one positive and effective preventative strategy that improves children’s lives. This is mentoring. The mentoring movement contains the potential to be, in the words of one mentor, "a window of hope" at a time when few such windows are open.  The movement offers a glimpse not only of our better selves, but of a potentially better society, one built on a broader set of programs, policies and institutions that themselves reflect a higher civility. 

As Catholics, we are called by the Seven Principles of Catholic Teaching to grow and develop not in isolation, but in our relationships with others. Our faith calls us to a radical love and concern for one another, seeking the common good and well-being of all.

In the Old Testament, we are reminded that, “A friend loves at all times, and Kinsfolk are born to share adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17) Kinsfolk in this case was a term used to describe entire communities of people committed to one another’s well-being.

Then Christ came and challenged us to have an even more expansive view of family, one that went beyond the large Hebrew families. Christ challenged us to break down our class, gender, racial and religious barriers, recognizing that all are created in God’s image. And in response to this broader classification of family, we then are called to care for all others in their times of need. We are called to be “Kin people.”

Now, there is to be no barrier between Jew and Gentile, urban and suburban, black and white, male and female. All are brothers and sisters. As followers of Christ we are all called to the responsibility of being a Kinsperson to others.

Mother Teresa once commented, “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.” This is true for adults and children alike.

January is National Mentoring Month. Around the nation, and right here in Minnesota, our leaders will make a call to action. Much attention will be placed on the idea of building healthier communities by supporting organizations that create healthy relationships for kids.

As I close today, I’d like to ask you to take the time to look into your heart. Do you have room for one more person in your life? Could you rearrange your schedule to fit in a few hours each week with a child who needs you? Could you reach out to help just one starfish back into the surf? Could you help one young neighbor nurture a dream?

I’ll be around after mass, as will some other organizations that need adult volunteers to reach out to kids. We’d love to meet you.