I Have a Headache

Well, I don’t want to say I have a mental illness.
I do want to say that I have a mental illness; I’ve struggled too many years to understand what I have; too bad if someone doesn’t like the term mental illness.
I want to say brain disorder.
This is not a true brain disorder; it doesn’t fit the definition of brain disorder.
I prefer to say mental health.
I am not researching mental health; I’m researching mental illness.
I want to say I have a psychiatric disorder.
I prefer bio-brain disorder. It is not a true disorder.
Autism is not a mental illness.
It is; autism is listed in the DSM-IV manual. So are ADHD and drug and alcohol disorders, all under the umbrella of mental illness.
Epilepsy is not a mental illness.
No, but many times depression is a part of epilepsy.
It is not epilepsy; it’s a seizure disorder.
Is it a true disorder?
The stigma is so great against mental illness and you just feed into the stigma by not saying mental illness.
I heard the phrase extreme emotional distress.
Don’t say emotional; I am not emotional.
The Education Network uses mental illness and NAMI uses mental illness, so I can use mental illness and feel just fine.
Yes, but how will people treat you when they hear those words.
I have a brain injury, not a mental illness.
I have depression, not a mental illness.
Depression is a mental illness.
Nobody has really proven mental illness is caused by a chemical imbalance. But that’s what I’m just learning that it is. Now, I have to relearn and try to understand what my mixed up thinking is called. This is terrible; I don’t understand anything. Neither do psychiatrists; what do they know. They just want to give you medicine. They don’t know you.
My psychiatrist is wonderful; she knows me very well.
The whole system is a messy quagmire; everybody just wants to put you in a stupor.
It’s just like diabetes; I need medicine to stay healthy and I always have to watch it.
It is not at all like diabetes. We can prove diabetes; nobody can prove mental illness.
Somebody should do something. Not the legislators; they just listen to the lobbyists who want money and promise things.
Well, I just know I don’t want someone to say that I have mental illness; it’s a brain disorder.
It’s not a true disorder.
Why do we have to call it anything?
I want to know what’s the matter with me; it’s no different than a physical problem; you want to understand what’s happened and why.

Well, it’s not called mental illness.

These were snatches of many conversations over several months, among groups of; professional mental health workers, family members, Pursuers of Wellness, friends. It may sound puzzling, but people feel very strongly about terms used to explain their struggles. No one term satisfies everyone. If a person says, “I have cancer,” the reaction is usually one of support and concern and hope and if it’s someone that you know, there are questions. But thirty years ago, the diagnosis of cancer wasn’t often shared publicly because of our ignorance of what cancer was and wasn’t. Today people with cancer can reach out to others for support and there are health care systems, teams in place to help in numerous ways. Patients are told of these systems and guided through them.

It is almost 2007 and insurance companies still refuse parity when it comes to mental health treatment and legislators still refuse to demand it. Discrimination continues in words and in deeds; housing, employment or inability to work, health care, sometimes lack of family support, friends who quietly disappear and insurance companies who refuse to pay for treatment or will pay for only very limited treatment. As Gretchen said of recovery, “It is a process and it can take a very long time.” Often Pursuers of Wellness aren’t well enough to challenge the systems and supportive networks, systems may not exist. These are all old stories, but raw and current in the lives of Pursuers.

Mental health issues are societal and individual issues and we need solutions on all levels, even the most personal. The isolation that is often a part of living with a brain disorder is one of the greatest challenges.

Mary Paradis is a long time member of St. Joan of Arc with her husband, Claude. Mary is currently the co-chair of the Mental Illness Ministry. Mary can be reached at claudemaryparadis@comcast.net.

Today I heard two different stories of people who will be alone for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and the traditions they will either carry on or begin this year, alone in their apartments. And there are many more people alone. I remember in the very early days when St. Joan of Arc community was much smaller, anyone who was alone for the holidays was invited to someone’s home. I don’t remember who extended the invitation, but I remember the lovely tradition. Maybe we can re-create family invitations to one or two people who are alone so that nobody at St. Joan of Arc Church will go home alone for holidays. We can’t quickly solve the injustice of insurance companies or legislators and we can’t suggest a name that will satisfy everyone struggling with a disorder, but we can reach out to one or two people and include them in our lives in many ways, not just Christmas. But Christmas would be a nice beginning.