What would you like to know about St. Joan of Arc? Do you have a story about our parish or of general interest that you think others would like to hear? For story ideas, contact Jeff Rholl, jeff@stjoan.com.

Years ago, Jess Lair wrote a book called, I Ain't Much Baby, But I'm All I've Got and in it he says, "You are an expert only in your own story." I didn't fully grasp how true that was until I heard the hollow sound of my own voice saying, "I know how you feel" when in fact, I was only guessing or surmising. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. Until the doctor says 'you have cancer,' or says that about someone you love, until you are the one who is divorced, until some profound occurrence smashes into your well ordered life-not until then does our heart resonate in exactly the same way with another. Not until then does their hand in ours feel so right. And still, it is only in our own story in that we are truly expert, as we reach out with our voice and hand and heart to someone else walking the same road.

Pat Poulton found that to be excruciatingly, painfully true when in the space of six weeks her mother and her father died. She was a grown woman with a family, a husband and five children of her own, and still she felt abandoned. Poulton describes it as "a total disconnect." She had been newly transplanted, following her husband's business transfer. She found herself unaccountably relying on the people who reached out to her through the church. She found her greatest solace there. Ultimately this experience of comfort led her into grief work.

The Grief Group Poulton now coordinates is called the South Minneapolis Coalition for Grief Support and is comprised of ten churches who take turns hosting the group. Participating churches are Richfield Lutheran Church, Church of the Annunciation, Church of Christ the King, Church of St. Thomas the Apostle, Diamond Lake Lutheran, Our Lady of Peace, Richfield United Methodist, Bethlehem Lutheran Church, Holy Name Catholic Church and St. Joan of Arc.

The goal of the group is to bring understanding of the grief process and its many emotions so that the journey of working through one's grief is less painful. The coordinator and facilitators are thoughtful and professional in the way they support this goal. The weekly sessions are broken into two segments: the first part is a welcome and a speaker specializing in psychology and the grief process, or an expert in self-care methods such as Tai Chi, nutrition, and journaling. Individuals may tell their 'survivor ' stories. The second part, a one-hour segment, is devoted to group support with the large group breaking into smaller groups for sharing.

Trained facilitators lead the small groups. Often these are people who have been through the grief groups themselves and have taken the training provided by the Coalition. Sometimes Befrienders act as facilitators because of the training they have received. These people come together with a belief that "A significant life change can be extremely stressful. Attempts to deny the pain and the confusion of grief promote despair and feelings of loneliness. Gaining an understanding of the grief process in a supportive and caring atmosphere will increase coping skills and lead to personal growth."

This support group coalition is patterned after the Edina Model instituted in 1990. The coalition Poulton now coordinates was started in 1993 by Bonnie Lindgren. Poulton took over the role of coordinator in 1996. She arranges speakers and ensures that the groups follow carefully selected program patterns. Cognizant of the varying ways people mourn and of their needs at any given time, the sessions always include these four components: Grief Education, Faith and Hope in Grief, Self Care, and Telling My Story.

People are welcome at any of the churches as the group changes its venue and they may continue in the groups as long as they feel the need for it. Poulton tells of one woman who did her grief work over a period of two and a half years. This same woman is now one of their esteemed group facilitators.

Poulton understands that "People need what they need and come to the groups for their own growth." She is adamant that these are not therapy groups but groups focused on healing and giving people space for their personal grief with the support of others who are walking the same walk. The groups are limited to those grieving the loss of a spouse or a close family member.

The next group is being hosted by St. Joan of Arc and begins on February 15, 2001. Individuals are invited and welcomed at any time during the ten-week session and invited to take part wherever they are on their journey. Roseann Rogers is the coordinator for St. Joan and can be reached at 612-823-8205.

Ronnie Angelus says: "There are three things that make my life work: Talking to my daughter who opens vistas to me and makes me laugh; being in the circle of the Divas, my writing group, who shout "go girl" and give me standing ovations with their smiles and tears; sitting next to Mary and Claude Paradis during Sunday Mass at St. Joan of Arc, which is as close to pure goodness as I will know in this lifetime."

This is an open invitation to you to come. You can tell the story that only you are an 'expert' on. Perhaps it's exactly the story the person sitting next to you needs to hear.