What would you like to know about St. Joan of Arc? Do you have a story about our parish or of general interest that you think others would like to hear? For story ideas, contact Jeff Rholl, jeff@stjoan.com.
"Let us build this place out of truth and Grace" | Prologue: This is the second in a series of stories about the people of Grace House.
They are the residents and staff, the volunteers and occasional drop-ins --
the people who fill the house with grace. These are first and foremost,
though, the stories of the residents: Stories of the men and women who live
daily with HIV/AIDS and are triumphant; stories of their lives and how they
came to Grace House; stories of the difference the houses and the staff have
meant in terms of health, dignity and joy.
The original Grace House was opened in 1990, the brainchild of an AIDS
taskforce through Saint Joan of Arc Church. The church agreed to lease the
building to Grace House for a nominal sum. Church parishioners provided lots
of the physical labor to turn the home into a facility to serve the
particular needs of people with AIDS. These volunteers renovated the space,
painted rooms and made the home accessible, including installing an elevator.
In these early years, all of the caregiving was provided by volunteers from
the church. By the next year, the need for professional, hired staff was
apparent and the first paid caregivers were hired. Volunteers continued to
be a big part of providing care to the residents.
What I have always found in the houses is laughter. The residents, as
physically comfortable as their disease allows them to be, live in their own
apartments with dear and familiar things around them. They meet in community
for meals with other residents, with volunteers and caregivers. There is a
sense of family, of people who care very much for the well being of each
other.
It is these people of Grace House, open and willing to talk to me, I want to
learn more about and then tell their stories to you. Nelson Mandela says
these stories must not be lost. Sometimes they are little stories of little
lives. Sometimes they seem painted by a bold brush with vivid colors and raw
design. They are stories, like all of ours, a mixture of foolish and heroic;
stories too of painful loss and astonishing gain, because these are the
stories of survivors. These are not just the stories of the residents,
although theirs are the first to be told, but of all of the people who care
for them; all of the people who take a step away from their everyday lives,
to take the risk of caring and staying steady in the face of pain and loss.
People who receive in abundance the gifts of sharing and the magic of
laughter and life.
This then is the second of the stories of grace from Grace House.
Meet Theodore - but first, read a poem-prayer that will tell you more about
him than any of the words that follow:
Be a gardener
NOW - Meet Theodore
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He's just recovering from back surgery. He's still feeling a little weak but says with gladness, "The water therapy is helping and -- I've been without pain for two days!" It's a milestone. One of the bright spots in a life that has seen it all -- the highs and the lows, the larger than life, the belittling and demeaning. The story of his early life and his family is like a gothic tale set on the prairie, like Citizen Kane in Des Moines.
You can't tell Theodore's story without talking about his family. And, in particular, the towering figure of his father -- a defense attorney, a state political chairman, a maker and breaker of careers and people; a machismo man who never understood the quiet, intelligent child who was his son. Theodore and his family were avowed, public Socialists, an uncommon phenomenon in the small Iowa town where he lived. Their philosophic differences set them apart and further deepened the isolation of their middle child. He often faced rejection and ridicule from his schoolmates.
Theodore remembers his home, a twenty room house, a house he describes as "totally out of proportion to the town we lived in." It was filled with the greats and near greats in business and politics of the state whom his mother and father entertained. The father was dominating, a heavy drinker, cruel, vitriolic -- a man who strode the streets of his town with a gun on his belt and a fist curled ready to strike. He died when Theodore was fourteen, "just as he was beginning to accept me." To this day, Theodore mourns him.
Theodore says he always knew who he was and what he liked in life. As a young boy, he liked cooking, weaving, and sewing. He describes himself as a "slender, meek, passive child, already rejecting the macho male roles he saw around him”. He said his greatest desire was to take dancing lessons. His father refused saying "it would probably make a fag out of him." Theodore says, with the dry and wry wit that distinguishes his conversation, "The result is that I am a fag who doesn't know how to dance."
He had a love of gardening and still remembers the herb garden with thirty kinds of herbs growing outside the window of his home. His reverence for nature, the earth; for life and its seasons grew stronger as he entered into an intense study of witchcraft. He read widely and developed a religion of his own. He says he could be found wandering the fields and hills with his cape and books -- collecting plants and weeds.
About this time, Theodore was given batteries of tests where his scores 'went right off the charts.' "As though life wasn't tough enough," he explains, "now they discovered I'm a genius. Then pressure was really on!"
Theodore went to college at the University of Iowa where he studied nursing. When he graduated, he moved to Minneapolis to begin a career working in nursing homes. His career was satisfying and allowed him to do good for others.
But there were other dramas playing out in his life. He had met the man he describes as his first husband. Together they studied white witchcraft in a seminary for positive witchcraft. Though they separated some years ago, this man has remained part of his life and become his fine and dear friend. Theodore’s friend has become a Christian and developed a hermitage where space is provided for people to study and retreat into silence. The prayer you read at the beginning of this story was taken from a monthly newsletter he produces. The friendship of this man blesses Theodore and is an important part of his new life. Theodore is turning now to Judaic studies, the religion of his grandfather. He wears the Star of David, a gift from a long ago girl friend, who knew who he truly was.
Of his second husband, Theodore says, "I married him when I was thirty-two years old. He was a man with the same traits as my father; a man who drank heavily and who was brutal. I guess we all try to recreate our families of origin." Theodore was with this man for 12 ½ years. It was a time of turbulence, illness, and depression. At the same time it was a period, when he bought a home with enough acreage for an orchard and hundreds of shrubs, plants and flowers. He planted the trees, nurtured them and relished the beauty of all the growing things around him.
Later, the bottom fell out for Theodore. He lost all of this -- his home, his health and finally, he suffered the betrayal of the man to whom he had devoted his life. He remembers thinking, "How could this happen? I have been loyal, I have been good and I have tried so hard." He likens the feelings of this loss to the abandonment he felt when his father died.
Theodore believes he has lived with HIV/AIDS for twenty-one years although the formal diagnosis was made nine years ago. When he was initially diagnosed with AIDS, he was told he had only six months to live and that he would not live to see the trees he planted at his home grow. Theodore says that his symbol of hope is that he has seen the trees mature, blossom and bear fruit.
Though it has not taken his life, the disease has been debilitating, emotionally and physically. It has attacked his body and tried to take his memory from him. He monitors his days by writing schedules in a notebook which he scrupulously follows.
There is an up side to the story. The house he loved and its beautiful
grounds has become, through 'altruism and chutzpah' a house used by people
stricken with HIV/AIDS who need emergency housing. In place of paying rent,
they perform maintenance work around the house and so he knows his former
home is being cared for. He also says, with enthusiasm, that he has been
invited to visit and prune the fruit trees. On days when he is well enough,
he will be there.
In October of 2000, when all seemed lost, Theodore found Grace House through the intervention of his social worker. Pain and memories are easing now as he lives comfortably surrounded by his cats and his treasures. He enumerates them this way: hibiscus, coleus, Savannah razor grass, aloe vera, rosemary (a three foot pot!) amaryllis (3 kinds), a patch of grass for the cats to nibble on and a four foot aquarium. He is one of the Writers of Grace House. He tells us wonderful stories and provides us with rare insights into his philosophy and theology.
Theodore is enriched and nourished by his connections with the earth and the unfolding of the seasons. Soon the gardens at Grace House will be responding to spring and Theodore will be there to help tend them.
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| "Oh, how I love this place, every smiling face..." The Writers of Grace House Every week when the writers of Grace House meet, the first order of business is a writing exercise. Somebody throws out a word. We grab our pens and start to write. "Don't stop. Keep your hand moving. See where your mind takes you, where your heart connects. Give us a word." "Seasons" someone says. "OK. Fifteen minutes. Tell me everything you know about seasons. Go!"
This is what Theodore told us: Charli is our next 'Story of Grace'. She writes with a rhythm and power that just grabs you! On Friday mornings she makes a great brunch for both Grace House I and II. Her story in about 3 weeks. Other Stories of Grace |
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By 1994, the AIDS epidemic was rampant. The directors of Grace House decided
to explore the idea of opening a second home next door to the original Grace
House. Grace House II was opened in May of 1998. It was designed by the
architecture firm of David Goehring/Joel May. It is a graceful combination
of light woods and open spaces, large windows and a profusion of plants.