Thursday, September 21, 2000

We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that 
the only solution is love and that love comes with community. 
(Dorothy Day - The Long Loneliness)
For the last five years, a coalition of six community parishes have been helping separated and divorced men and women conquer their long loneliness - helping them to grow and heal their hearts, and remake their lives.

Offered once each fall, the parishes of Annunciation, Christ the King, St. Thomas the Apostle, Holy Name, Our Lady of Peace and St. Joan's have sponsored these workshops to help those suffering from the loss of a marriage or other relationship.

Honoring that the breaking of a family is one of the hardest things any person will have to go through, a team of Cathy Eilers, Roseann Rogers, John Miller, and Mary Ahler(Mary, Rosie, and John pictured below) create a community of people and meet once a week (September 28th to November 16, 6:30 to 8:30 PM) and continuing each week for eight weeks, meeting  6:30 to 8:30 PM. They open with a general meeting in Hospitality Hall, break out into small groups, and come back together at the end of the evening. 
The opening meeting was a group of fifteen or so people. They listened to Carrie Kemp, a Pastoral Minister and creator of Kairos, Seminars and Workshops for various  ministries. A dynamic and animated speaker, Carrie spoke for an hour on the many ways that we beat ourselves up when a relationship disintegrates, and how we lose our hope. On how it is very important to work on rebuilding ourselves with the spirit of hope.

If we don't expand our horizons, we might miss the signals
Carrie spoke about the many different situations we might find ourselves in when a separation occurs. She said that many times it is our families, the ones that we would hope would love us unconditionally, that accept separations the least. That we don't live in a culture that fosters hope and encouragement,  and we are really too hard on ourselves. Sometimes it takes someone outside of our lives, a stranger,  to give us  love and acceptance and to point us in the right direction. 

One important exercise for Carrie as she went through this same situation in her own life was to write down her dreams and goals. Letting money not be a factor, what are the three things that you would do in your dreams? For Carrie it was a trip to Italy to see her family there. Miraculously, for a woman raising three children on a very small budget, the opportunity appeared for her. Not that it will necessarily happen to everyone, but we need to have dreams. If we don't expand our horizons, we might miss the signals that we need to see.

Let go of the idea that your new life must look like your old life
Carrie also stressed that during the healing process, alone time is very, very important. We need the alone time to discover our own joy and beauty. 

She spoke of the pain that is necessary to the healing process. Don't wear rose-colored glasses all of the time, acknowledge your pain. "Pain is sacred, and it will lead you to a sacred place

Carrie said to remember that each partner in a destroyed relationship hurts, the "dumper" and the "dumpee".  And, to
remember that both are the beloved of God. Remember also that no one deserves to be in a a marriage where they are not loved. She believes that the marriages that end possibly shouldn't have started in the first place. 

Move closer to who you were meant to be
Hope brings you out of focusing on the immediate situation. When you choose to be hopeful you are opened up to a new life. So, Carrie tells us to push boundaries, push outward, and to take some risks. "Remember, things will get better," she said, "faith is this constant walk God, and with the realization that life will work out."

Remember, recovery is not forever. Be grateful for what appears in your life, and all of the wonderful grace-filled moments. 
I believe... 
That imagination is stronger than knowledge
That myth is more potent than history
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts
That hope always triumphs over experience
That laughter is the only cure for grief
And I believe that love is stronger than death.

Robert Fulgham
If you are experiencing the trauma of a divorce or separation, or haven't healed yet from on in your past, come join Cathy (right), John, Roseann, and Mary for the next eight Thursday's (September 28 to November 16) in the Hospitality Hall, from 6:30 to 8:00 PM. It might be the most important step you will take towards your future.
Since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our HOPE of sharing the glory of God.

And HOPE does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-2)

                              Hoping Again

and
Janice LaMere Janice La Mere is a self-professed (and sometimes publicly acknowledged) girl-geek. She does computer technical support and training, and is a writer, college student, mother of three and grandmother of two. She likes to read, learn, listen to music, walk with her dog (Lady Isabella Augusta, AKA Auggie Doggie) and watch old movies. She can be found on the Internet atwww.janissima.com, or email to lamere@janissima.com. >

  1. What beliefs keep me from thinking hopefully about my future?

  2. What feelings keep me from hoping again?

  3. Who are the people i need to forgive in order to think hopefully again

  4. deep in my heart, what do i hope for in my new life?

  5. What baggage do i need to shed in order to think hopefully?

  6. What steps do I need to take to live my life more hopefully?

  7. Name one step you are willing to take now (Describe how you will do this...and exactly when you will begin).

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