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With the sun setting brightly on St Joan of Arc Church, Thursday evening, thirty-some people arrived in Hospitality Hall to hear Maxine Walton(right), MS/LICSW from Children's Home Society & Family Services, speak about raising biracial children in a racist society. The participants were families who had adopted children of other cultures than their own.
Maxine showed the video, “Struggle for Identity”, that they use at CHS in the pre adoptive classes. It is the stories of local adults talking about their issues of identity from being raised in white homes: "When your kid totally rejects you, and goes through their anti-white stage, what are you going to tell that kid? Why did you adopt them? Why did you adopt a child of color? And, there should be so much thought given to your answer."
Maxine likes to interact with her audience. She would show a small part of the video and then discuss it, while asking questions of her audience. Pre adoptees feel this video is very harsh. The audience already having adopted children of color, somewhat understand, a few having already faced these issues in their lives.
Often it begins in their teens, already a troubling time, but the greatest issues seem to come when they leave home and are away from their parents, either in college or alone as adults. Suddenly, there is no white privilege for them at all. If they haven’t already formed an identity, it becomes a huge obstacle and crisis. Who am I? Some do not easily fit into one particular race, many are biracial. They need to know who they are.
As parents, we need to be proactive. What can we do to help our young children identify who they are? Be comfortable talking about color and racism. Have cultural connections and people from these cultures in your life. Have role models, friends, and a community of their color.
Be prepared with answers to their questions of ‘why did you adopt a child of color’? Why did you choose this particular country? You need to have answers prepared for when they are 4, 6, 10, 16, 20 years of age. Your answers will be different at different ages. Listen to your children, give truthful explanations and teach awareness of differences and sameness.
How would you feel if your child challenged your racism? Begin by challenging your own, which starts with zero tolerance with jokes, slurs, anytime at all, public or private, friends or strangers. You need to feel comfortable with people of all races all of the time. Think constantly of yourself in your child’s shoes.
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