It was through prayer and mindful reflection that I was moved to join fellow members of the SJA community in a three-day period of 'Prayer and Fasting for World Peace.'
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We were informed that throughout this period we would be acknowledging "our dependence on God and open(ing) ourselves to the movement of the Spirit to stir our souls." We were to "Let prayer come from deep within - acknowledging our yearning for world peace and our willingness to witness what we see in ourselves that prevents peace from flowing through our being."
It was the first time I would participate in a fast. By Ash Wednesday I was still undecided about its nature. Would I forgo solid food for a full three days or would I do as many Muslims do during Ramadan and fast only from sunup to sundown?
My purpose was clear and would also evolve as I moved through the experience. I would refrain from any physically demanding labor and instead concentrate on feeling my connection to and solidarity with all humankind - especially with those who experience hunger and violence as a bi-product of war. Two quotes came to me early on and reappeared often throughout this time; "Poverty is the worst form of violence." - M. K. Gandhi - and "All war is a war against the poor." - Bishop Gumbleton.
I also hoped that this quiet time of emptying through fasting, and filling through prayer, would open me more fully to the movement of the Holy Spirit and help me discover those attitudes and habits that keep me from being a full participant in God's plan.
I helped my body by limiting the saturated fat, caffeine and sugar intake during a pre-fast preparation. I dusted off my juicer and put it to good use with organic, co-op purchased produce.
Insights emerged as I moved through the experience and I became mindful of the impact my daily decisions regarding food have not only upon my body, but the earth and labor practices as well. If I did decide to eat solid food after dark during the fast it would be unpackaged, organic whole-foods that were much easier on the earth and would support the growers and harvesters and the smaller farms practicing responsible sustainable agriculture.
These thoughts merged with my ideas of creating peace in myself and in our world. As I pondered the seemingly innocuous decisions I make every day, including my driving habits, what I read or watch or don't watch, what I think about and what I purchase, I see they also have a stark connection with war; why we wage it and the hunger and starvation that always accompany it. Do we wage war defending the economic interests of small organic family farms?
These are things most of us know and discuss from time to time but for me they are often attended to as separate issues or topics. This more-conscious-awareness, that seemed to be a wonderful side-effect of the time spent in prayer and fasting, made certain connections obvious.
By the time the soup supper ended on Ash Wednesday, I had decided to forgo solid food, caffeine and soda pop (my Achilles heel) for three days while leaving myself a little wiggle room for eating a simple meal of organic brown rice and vegetables after sundown if I had to. I would allow myself fruit or vegetable juices, water and tea so as to not totally starve my tissue. I would attend two prayer services for peace on Thursday and Friday in the church and also set aside at least thirty minutes during the day for solitary contemplation and thirty minutes for physical movement.
The Ash Wednesday service was a moving and beautiful ceremony that added fuel to my decision to fast. Ironically, when I got home Wednesday evening, I was hungry. Really hungry! I saw a small hardboiled egg in my refrigerator and contemplated it. I convinced myself it would spoil by Saturday so I ate it.
I woke up Thursday morning with my stomach growling and churning. I felt famished. Throughout the day I drank filtered water, two homemade juices and hot herbal tea. I spent time writing, reading and took time for Centering Prayer and a light Yoga routine.
I greatly anticipated the prayer gathering that night at six. I had no idea what to expect but I yearned for our community. I yearned for that fullness I so often receive while participating in events with our Parish. I wanted to share my happiness as well as my discomforts with others.
I wish to say that the deeply spiritual experiences of the prayer services were overwhelming in a wondrous sense . It is impossible to fully describe the emotions I felt in those gatherings. I was truly lifted by the participants' obvious commitment, concern, and enormous desire for peace. The love and respect for all life, so freely expressed in this group, was exhilarating. There were times, I am convinced, when the energy in that room could have moved mountains had it been so directed.
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| Karin Grosscup with the author |
Both services followed the same general format.
We gathered with chairs in a circle of twenty or so upon the familiar Persian-style rug in the dimly lit church. The altar was replaced with a small wooden table covered with clean white linen. Upon the table sat a simple yet beautiful dark wooden bowl, a sculpture reminding me of an 'all-encompassing embrace' and several small stones . There were lighted candles atop two wooden stands of dissimilar lengths and more creamy-white candles of various sizes on the floor.
We opened in song and were enriched throughout both services with the musical talents of JoAnne Potts, Anna Mae Vagle and Deb Harley, who generously shared with us two newly written songs, one being as haunting and beautiful as the next.
We read a prayer to center ourselves in God's love and followed this with more song; Make me a channel of your peace...
We were then invited to gather ourselves in comfortable yet alert positions and after a brief and simple instruction asked to meditate upon three powerful readings rich in meaning. Each reading-meditation was heralded by the heavenly tone of a Tibetan bowl-bell.
I was moved by something in each reading. In the first I found myself
contemplating those things that prevent me from being an instrument of peace
- those habits that keep me from living God's will. I know what they are
and yet I do nothing about them. I can be hard on myself when I don't live
up to my own expectations and there are times when I ask, 'oh, what's the
point?' 'I can't do it. I can't live the life.'
However, one insight gained that day is that even though I'm not perfect, I can't abandon the path. I won't bail out of the journey. I will keep plugging away toward my destination. I realize that it's not a destination in time or place and that the destination isn't really the point. It is the journey that is important, it is the path upon which I move and have my being that is important. It hit me that my destination is movement itself. My destination is action.
Gandhi's reading was about the power of the individual and also reminded me, somewhat annoyingly, that if I can't be calm and nonviolent and heal relationships in my family and personal life, I will not be able to affect that change in communities or governments.
In Luke, the part I gravitated toward was, "when the heart is full the mouth will speak." It got me thinking of the ways in which I "fill up." There are several things I do but it has been my experience that the single most important activity for me is Service. That is how I fill. Thanks for the reminder! When I feel empty and sad or depressed or self-centered, self-serving or self-important, the best way out for me is to do something for someone else. When I remember this simple law, the blessings automatically follow and I am soon filled to overflowing.
Another life-affirming activity we shared during the services was a beautiful and intimate greeting. Facing each other while slowly clasping hands and looking into each others eyes we would then bow to each other, rise and squeeze tight. This ritual greeting includes singing the salutation, Shalom, which was repeated four times. What a powerful form of worship. I recognized, maybe like never before, the crystal-clear light of God's beneficent love in the faces of those I embraced. The respect and grace generated was palpable and beyond description. I couldn't help but wonder in what ways our world might be different if this was the customary greeting of all peoples, especially between heads of state. That simple change would reap huge rewards.
I felt so physically hungry by the end of Thursday nights' service, I could hardly stand it. I asked some folks after the meeting if "these hunger pangs ever go away or subside?" and said things like, "Man, am I hungry!" So we talked about the type of fasting we each were engaged in and I dreamed of eating a light dinner that night (or did I actually mention it?).
Someone then asked if our fasting didn't include a willingness to feel what
the hungry multitudes experience as a daily reality. Of course it did.
That was one of my purposes. I thought of the millions of people around the
world that would be going to bed hungry that night. I made a decision
before I left the church that I too would go to bed hungry.
It was rough and I found myself thinking, 'hey, I could eat.' And I wondered, 'is it more difficult not eating knowing there is food right here in my refrigerator?' Then I put myself in the place of one who may feel hunger like I do and worse, yet doesn't have easy access to food. How frightening and stressful that would be! I would be all-consumed with the need of procuring food. I also imagined the hardships of searching for food in a body wracked with hunger and broken by malnutrition.
It was a long uncomfortable night. The hunger pangs never lessened and it felt as though I may have slept for a couple of hours at most - a restless, dreamless sleep.
I got up Friday morning feeling tired and weak, though my stomach didn't hurt as badly. I made a glass of juice followed later by a cup of hot tea. I found I was able to do a little writing after prayer and also attempted Yoga but stuck with several breathing exercises.
As the day progressed I was able to think fairly clearly but was having trouble translating that to my fingers on the keyboard. I tired quickly and my body began to ache. My neck and shoulders, my low back and the backs of my legs were throbbing. By mid-afternoon I had to lay down and slept for two hours. I experienced heavy dream activity. The dreams were extremely vivid and all revolved around acts of forgiveness and reconciliation regarding specific people in my life. How curious and yet how appropriate.
Friday afternoon I was yearning again for the warmth and solidarity of the
prayer service and didn't think I could refrain from eating any longer. I
bargained with myself. If I have a cup of coffee, maybe I won’t need to eat.
I had a small coffee with cream and un-pasteurized honey which helped my
discomfort. I knew I would make it to the church service now but I also
decided at that time that I would accept an invitation to share a simple
meal with friends (after dark) that I had not seen in too long a time.
The prayer service was again breathtaking and as a fellow participant shared, "renewing." I left filled with a sense of peace and comfort knowing that together we will create peace in our world. We already have.
I joined my friends in their home and slowly, thankfully ate a bowl of homemade sweet-vegetarian-chili. I also indulged the obligatory crackers and butter. I was pleased that my hosts were eager to discuss our faith community's time of Prayer and Fasting for Peace and that they were very supportive of our efforts.
I slept much easier that night and withheld from eating solid food during the daylight hours Saturday. We were to break our three day fast after the Saturday mass at SJA. My deepest regret is that due to other commitments, I could not share the breaking of bread with my fellow fasters in Hospitality Hall.
Saturday at 6:30 pm I sat down to dine with family and friends I took a long moment of silence. I envisioned the smiling faces and the warmth of those lovely souls with whom I had been engaged the previous two evenings. I gave thanks with them and for them and felt them in the beating of my heart.
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| WebReporter JoAnn Potts offered a summary of the Prayer Services. Read her account here. |